The Success Of Mentoring

Being a Big Sister is a Stretching Exercise

I like my little sister. I would like her even if she were not my little sister.  When I am with her, unexercised parts of my brain, body, and emotions get stretched. My brain has to wrestle with questions. Some questions are easy, like, “Why don’t people on the other side of the world fall off?”  Other questions are hard, like, “Why does skin dry so fast when hair doesn’t?” My body feels long-forgotten sensations. Like, dizziness, when trying to make it through the revolving barrel at the Fair. Like distaste, when finishing her B-B-Q lunch, a flavor I avoid. Like fatigue, when swimming alongside her too long.  Like warmth, from a full-body hug and a damp kiss. My emotions are tied to responsibility for someone else’s well-being.  I drive extra watchfully knowing she is precious cargo.  I suggest we do things I love-like picnicking in a dry river-bed in the forest-hoping she will love them, too, and we can share in the pleasure together. All this brain, body, and emotion stretching makes me a bigger person, I hope, and I am grateful for that.

- Joan Azar

I’ve Waited for You My Whole Life

I was attending the monthly Mentor Coalition Meeting.   The custom at each meeting is to go around the room and have each person tell a little bit about the mentor program they work with.  I introduced myself and explained that I work with the Big Sister League of San Diego, Big and Little Sister Mentor Program. 
           
After the meeting a very excited woman approached me.  She introduced herself as Phyllis and explained that she had been a Big Sister in the mentor program in its beginning years, almost 30 years ago.  She was so pleased to hear that the program is still going strong.  Phyllis played a very active role in the program during the years she had participated, becoming a member of the speaker’s bureau and helping to recruit mentors.
           
She was a Graduate Student at San Diego State when Phyllis heard about the Big Sister League.  She had been involved with different volunteer organizations through high school and undergraduate school and decided to try mentoring.  Phyllis filled out the application, answered a questionnaire, and went through an interview before she was able to select her Little Sister.  She chose Sylvia from several possible applicants; Phyllis saw her picture and said, “This is the one for me!” 

Phyllis related this story about when she and Sylvia met.  Apparently, Sylvia saw an ad on television and asked her Mom to call to get her a Big Sister.  When Phyllis visited for the first time Sylvia told her, “Oh! I’ve waited for you my whole life!”  The youngest of five children, Sylvia says she really appreciated having someone to talk to and to do things with.  Everything wasn’t always easy.  Phyllis recalled that when Sylvia was a teenager she sometimes cancelled outings or would be very difficult to talk with.  Phyllis responded by telling Sylvia she would not see her for two weeks, to give her time to think about their friendship.  Sylvia took that time to reflect on what the relationship meant to her and worked harder to uphold her part.
           
Sylvia is a poet and has written several poems about what Phyllis means to her.  She has also, over the years, given Phyllis beautiful cards telling her how much she valued their friendship.  Sylvia remembered that Phyllis bought her first “big-girl” bike, and when Phyllis moved into her first apartment, Sylvia helped her search thrift stores and garage sales to furnish it.  They have kept in close touch throughout the years and have been through marriages, births, job changes, and moves together. 

We talked for a few more minutes and Phyllis said she would like to contact Sylvia, the girl she was matched with in 1979, and have us all get together.  After a couple of phone calls, we agreed to meet in a park by Mission Bay.  Phyllis came with her three sons.  We took pictures, looked at the cards and letters Phyllis had received from Sylvia, and letters from the Big Sister League. 

Phyllis and Sylvia are still very much a part of each other’s lives; their children are friends and their families have dinners, picnics, and holidays together. 

- Marien Kissling

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